I Got No Hands

No, this isn't a Halloween-related post about a bloody severed hand.  In fact, I'm only vaguely aware that it's Halloween today.  With no kids to take out in costume, no trick-or-treaters coming to our apartment, and my own dressing-up experience already over after last night's Halloween party, today is more a day to recuperate from back-to-back parents-in-town weekends than anything else.  Although, don't get me wrong, I've been eating candy all day.

What this post is about, however, can be classified as a three-second performance art piece that takes place as the doorway to our classroom.

My priority on any walk from our classroom out the door to recess, to art class or to P.E. is inevitably either: 1) Hurry so we're not late again, or 2) Less dancing/slipping/wiggling/strutting/hopping -- more walking regularly.  Some kids, however, see this walk as a time to shine with a new trick that's sure to impress the teacher.

A few years ago, Jerrod and the rest of the cafeteria-bound class were filing out of the classroom as I kept an eye on the aforementioned dancing/slipping/wiggling/strutting/hopping.  Jerrod approached the doorway on his way out, readying himself for his big moment to shine.  In the first act of his three-second performance, he pulled back the corners of his eyes until they narrowed into almost completely closed slits.  Act II: Jerrod looked up at me with his slits for eyes.  For the big finale, he delivered the performance's one line: "I got no eyes."

He was already past me and on his way to lunch, but Jerrod knew I was appreciating the artistic value of his miniature, one-man show.

It's been a few years since that bit of nano-theater, and I thought perhaps the art form had gone out of vogue.  However, as I discovered last week, doorway performance is still alive and well.

Charlotte made her approach from off stage, pulling her hands into the sleeves of her sweatshirt.  Act II: Charlotte held her sleeve stumps up in the air and looked up at me.  She closed the show with, "I got no hands."

For all of you fans of the arts, keep an eye out (well, if you have eyes, that is) for a micro-performance in a doorway near you!

Futurama image from www.slurmed.com