Advice

So I'm just now done collecting all of my nickels for each time someone has asked me these luuuuvvvv-related questions.  I have used my newfound abundance of nickels to award three lucky readers instant-gratification copies of My Funny Valentine!

As it turns out, children are not only experts in pick-up lines, but also pretty fantastic sources of nutrition and marriage advice.  Hold on - that could be read as a suggestion to eat children for their nutritional value.  Let's try again: Children are fantastic sources of advice on both nutrition and marriage.  And they are also delicious with jam.  Dang it!  Did it again.

The point is, if you are looking for some wisdom on the right ratio of running to eating, or on what types of questions to ask your new spouse on your honeymoon, my new advice post is up on An Army of Ermas today!

And of course, all the Valentine's Day advice you'll ever need can be found here!

Bam! Right to Your Kindle

Man, if I had a nickel for every time someone asked me these questions this Valentine's Day season! 

What can I say to a guy when he fails to drop his current girlfriend for me?  Are the girlfriend's freckles fair game for insults?

What three choices should I give a potential date following my "How are you doing?" pick-up line?  Should one of the multiple choice options be, "Sexy?" 

How do I end a Valentine's Day card that starts with, "I don't love you" ?

I know that many of you out there are in need of advice.  You are in luck!  My new book*, My Funny Valentine will answer all of these questions and more!

The lucky winners of the last giveaway are curled up right now with their copies of the book, but don't worry - there's another chance for you, too, to get a copy of all of the hilarious essays!

The first three readers to comment will get a free Kindle version of My Funny Valentine!
 

*Which I generously share with many other humor writers...

Now on Amazon!

Love is in the air!  And by that, of course, I mean red-wrapped, heart-shaped candy is in the air!

Yes, Valentine's Day Candy Season has begun.  And what better way to enjoy a box of chocolates than while reading America's most hilarious writers on the subject of love, romance, and other complications? 

If you're looking for suggestions for foolproof pick-up lines, there are some dynamite ones on page 52 of the brand-new humor collection, My Funny Valentine: America's Most Hilarious Writers Take On Love, Romance, and Other Complications.

And just how can I vouch for this dating advice?  Well, I overheard, received, or confiscated it all myself, so I know quite well just how fantastic it is.  Yep - you can't go wrong with pick-up lines from third graders.  They've even got you covered in the event that you're looking to break up this Valentine's Day.

Whether you're pro Valentine's Day or con, if you want to laugh your way through February 14th, you can get your very own copy of my book* here!

A few other highlights of the collection: Jonathan Shipley's, "Why You're Single This Valentine's Day, Karla Telega's first date warning signs in "Nip It In the Rosebud," and Blythe Jewell's "Five Things I will NOT Be Doing on Valentine's Day to 'Please My Man.'"

You can even get it digitally for the Kindle here!

And even better - I will send a free copy of the book to the first three people to comment!

*My book....which I happen to be graciously sharing with many other hilarious writers

25 Reasons Why I am Nevery Leveing You

As Valentine's Day approaches, if you are in need of a special message for your loved one, you might consider borrowing some of the following 25 reasons from a note I once found in the fourth grade. It's just an excellent list all around.

  Fourth grade girls like to take advice from older and wiser siblings and friends when it comes to matters of the heart. In Katina's case, expert advisors must have directed her to do several things in her list of reasons why she loves the potential boyfriend. I can only assume that these things must have included:
-Quote songs from the 80s
-Praise his gift-giving and truth-telling abilities
-Use acronyms for emphasis
-Demonstrate just how much you like him by having that item in your list take up three whole numbers
-Threaten him

  For more tips, you might also get some ideas this Valentine's Day from, "Dear Ms. Sexy."