Dear Children who Sit at the Back

 
Dear Children who Sit at the Back of the Classroom,
  It has come to my attention that I have neglected to teach you a key rule of handwriting.  Yes, we've discussed how certain letters have to always hang below the writing line or a) your writing will be hard to read and b) people will think poorly of your third grade teacher.  We have begun to cover the odd rules of cursive, like how a lowercase cursive k just blatantly looks like a capital R, and I think you're starting to get it.

  I've expounded on the evils of failing to erase a letter before plopping a new, more correct letter in exactly that same location.  The resulting Hybrid Letter of Non-Erasing really is nobody's friend and makes your words tough to decipher.  (Fortunately, though, I am skilled at deciphering them anyway, so this reminder is for when your writing will be read by those less skilled.)

  But alas, I have failed to share with you one more rule of correct letter formation.  It is a well-established expectation that I assure you exists in all of the classrooms in our school, regardless of how youthful the teacher.  Your teacher is exceedingly young (and hip!) and this rule is unrelated in any way to her denial of the increasing need for an eye exam.

  The internationally-recognized rule of handwriting that I have omitted from previous teaching is as follows:

If you are a Child who Sits at the Back, Global Handwriting Law states that you must form all of your letters at a minimum height of five inches when writing on a whiteboard that will be held up for the teacher to read across the room.

    I apologize for not teaching this rule sooner, but it's quite standard practice and it's time you start falling into line.  Children who Sit at the Front, this rule does not apply to you.  Yet.
    
    Sincerely,
           Your Youthful and Non-Squinting Teacher

Image: www.cursive-handwriting.com