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Saturday, September 10, 2011

Applicate Today!

Now, I’m not trying to brag or sway anyone to vote for me, but I must say that I have put together a rather impressive jobs creation package.  In fact, my plan has resulted in a record low unemployment rate of 0% classroom-wide.  Not too shabby, eh?

Yes, it’s that time of year where jobs are at the forefront.  My husband, Nate, is applying for a university job this fall and discovers a new listing in a new geographic region each day.  “There was a job posted today at the University of Waterloo” he informed me the other day.  Upon further research, I discovered that Waterloo is Ontario, which (as you may be aware) is in Canada.  Woah.

There is also, of course, my classroom jobs plan, which I talked up extensively before passing out the job applications the first week of school.  “When we applicate for jobs, how long do we keep those jobs?” asked Tyson, who was very eager to get on with the applicating. 

The “Why are you the best person for this job?” portion of the application is always entertaining.  If you can give an honestly convincing reason for why you should be the snack helper, you're a shoe-in.  This year the persuasive reasons included, "I'm strong," "I'm fast," and "I'm responsible."  All things I'm looking for in a classroom helper.  The snack helper who ended up getting hired pointed out that "I know how to give good porsions."  A very specific and essential qualification.

Image: Dreamstime
One student with her eye on the gardener position claimed, "I would get dirty to plant them."  While I admire her willingness to muck around in some soil, I think I perhaps oversold this job.  It really just involves dumping water into the potted plants a few times a week, and, sadly, no digging or planting or or high-level botany beyond that.  Another gardening fan wrote, "I love not like but love plants and do not pull plants." 

Our new table cleaner secured her position with this declaration: "I wape each table so the kids can work on clean tables."  Yep--you understand that we cannot get much done with ranch dressing, ketchup, and other unidentified lunch stickiness covering the tables.  You're in.

The chair-stacker won his employment with an effective enumerated list: "1. i work hard  2. i am strong."

The length of one's commute also featured a bit this year, with our new CD player monitor writing, "I am very close to the CD player.  I am also fast."  Done and done!

And in a trend mirroring the grown-up job procurement process, I had a couple of third graders list their own personal email addresses this year in lieu of their street addresses.  Well, it was really a combination of tech-savviness and not actually knowing their street addresses, but still.

I will be sure to pass on all of these very effective job application strategies to Nate.  He's got really clean hands and his portions are pretty reasonable, so I'm guessing he stands a strong chance.  Waterloo, Ontario, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, or Fort Meyers, Florida--here we come!

1 comment:

Sparkling said...

Wow, you just reminded me why I wanted to be an elementary school teacher, particularly 3rd or 4th grade! They think everything is so serious. Nothing like when they to us and things ARE serious. I absolutely love the application process. What a brilliant way to get them to understand that we get jobs by filling out applications. Unless you get one by deviant ways. But they don't need to know that now! I can only imagine if I tried to give my advisory class jobs.