Read Me on McSweeney's
Can You Handle How Amazing This Is?
Brace yourself for something EXTREMELY exciting. Yes my friends, FREE HOMEWORK PASSES HAVE COME TO THE SECOND GRADE. These are the first homework passes I've given out this year, and let me tell you--the kids are besides themselves. This past Friday, I gave out free homework passes instead of extra recess for anyone who completed their homework all week (I know, a little odd--if you do all of your homework, you don't have to do your homework). I explained what the homework passes were and built up the excitement. "If you have a homework pass, you can play all afternoon, take the night off, and NOT do your homework. BUT, I will mark you off as HAVING DONE the homework! Even though you haven't. Wow! Imagine the possibilities." This was loosely how my explanation went.
Denard interpreted the concept of using a free homework pass to NOT do homework but to STILL be counted as...cheating. Well, he's pretty much right. It's a rectangular, purple slip of paper that gives you permission to cheat the system. As I wrapped up the details about the passes, Denard couldn't contain his glee about this condoned fraud and blurted out in a singsong voice, "Cheat-ing!"
I have seen a sparkle in the eye of many students planning to use the homework pass already tonight. "Do you have your homework?" I asked J'Nai at the end of the day. "I'm going to use my...[sly smile]...homework pass" she replied. Michael was also planning to use his tonight, also gave me a sly smile when he informed me of this plan, but then asked if kids were allowed to do some of the homework for tonight, even if they were using their free homework pass. I consulted the official rulebook of free homework passes and informed him that yes, it was OK to do some of the homework anyway.
Some students, though, if past years are any indication, will save up their free passes until the year is over. Sometimes savoring the amassed potential to not do homework is better than actually "spending" any of the passes.
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